A diagnosis is not a label

 What's the difference between a diagnosis and a label?

Many of us still have the outdated view that a diagnosis will inevitably lead your child to being labeled as "different", "weird" or that they'll be treated differently. Growing up there definitely was a lack of education and understanding with having a diagnosis. Whether it's mental health or educational challenges, it was always done secretively. It's important to protect someone's privacy, but I think this lead to it feeling shameful or wrong. I know I personally experienced this stigma as a child who struggled with depression and anxiety. I remember feeling confused at why I was so different. It wasn't until I was an adult that I got diagnosed and with therapy and medication began to feel hopeful!

I've found this is pretty common actually among spouses with children with special needs. And I'm not saying this happens all the time but typically the mother is one who is pursuing diagnosis and help, while the father struggles with the diagnosis or as they perceive it- "a label." We personally experienced this when our children were going through the evaluation process. I was fortunate enough to have a friend who had just gone through this with her own son and was able to normalize things and give me guidance. It wasn't that my husband was against the evaluations, he knew our children needed help, but he processed it differently. He didn't have the support that I had until he met with my friend's husband who was able to tell him all the positive things during this very painful time. 

As parents we encourage and believe the best in our children. When your children go through the evaluation process it is very eye opening. It forces you to face your fears that your child is different. Also, I remember reading the evaluation paperwork & the language of the document is pretty harsh to read as a parent. They are pointing out their "flaws" and barely highlighting their strengths. Because the purpose of the document is to get them help, but as you read it, it makes your heart ache as a parent. 

Why? Why does it hurt to read it? Because it's inevitable that we feel responsible. I know I did. I went through my brain thinking, "did I drink too much caffeine during pregnancy? Did I not breastfeed them long enough? Was it the way we parented them?" One of my favorite parenting quotes is attributed to an author named Karen Stubbs who says, "your children are not your report card." Whether your children are struggling or if they are thriving, ultimately we cannot take complete credit for either! 

A diagnosis is differently because it doesn't label your child- it opens doors for your child. Labels restrict and  diagnosis' free! It has the ability to give your child the assistance they need. It also takes the guilt and shame away from your child who feels like they are at fault for something that they were born with! Getting the diagnosis means that they can grow and learn about their uniqueness and learn to celebrate it! You can also start to form your child's team. These people are essential to your child's success! Because your primary role is being a parent. Not a therapist, not a doctor. I remember trying to be everything for my child. But it's not healthy, and you will inevitably burn out. Adding in those essential members to your child's life will provide encouragement, education and insight for both you and your child. 

Interested in getting the process started? I am developing a course to share my personal experience in pursuing assistance for my children. Both of my children have Individual Education Plans at school and a wonderful group of professionals that support them and I've seen incredible success! My friends who knew them before this are astounded, as are we! You don't have to walk this road alone. You don't want to wait. Start now and see the growth in your child!