Touch More. Reward More. Talk Less: Advice from an ADHD Expert

If I could recommend one book as a parent of an ADHD child I would recommend Russel A Barkley's Book 12 Principles of Raising a Child with ADHD. 

He is considered a foremost expert on ADHD and ADHD parenting. His approach is knowledgeable but also compassionate and easy to follow. In the giant sea of ADHD parenting books his was the most relatable to me. And one I have personally referenced to be the "ADHD Parenting Bible."

His professional background includes:

• Clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Medical University of South Carolina in Charleston

• Clinical scientist, educator, and practitioner who has authored, co-authored, and co-edited over twenty books and clinical manuals.

• Has published over 200 scientific articles and books related to the nature, assessment, and treatment of ADHD and related disorders.

One of his greatest principles I remembered from his book was Principle 7: 

Touch More. Reward More. Talk Less. 

What does this mean exactly? 

He outlines the first problem: "Parents of children with ADHD talk too much."

Anyone else guilty of this? I know I certainly am. Whenever I find myself frustrated that I hear my own voice way too often I think of this principle. For example:

Morning routines (all ADHD parents give a giant eye roll) Trying to get my son to move through the morning and complete his list of (limited) tasks is a giant operation. I've since learned to provide visual cues and visual time alerts to assist him in this. But I can't tell you how many times I would ask him to put his shoes on.

"Have you put your shoes on yet?" "

"Please put on your shoes on son." 

Finally, I erupt- "YOU STILL HAVEN'T PUT YOUR SHOES ON??" 

This is a perfect example of using Principle 7: Touch More. Talk Less. He outlines this:

Step 1: Go to the child. The further away you are, the less effective your words an actions are likely to be. 

Step 2. Touch the child. Put your hand on his shoulder, arm or hand. Whatever gesture you feel comfortable using will convey your *affection* for your child and get his attention.

Step 3: Look into your child's eyes. Whenever possible, look directly at your child rather than talking to the back or top of his head. 

Step 4: BRIEFLY say what needs to be said. Use short, direct phrases. He goes into further detail. 

If using a direction or command: use a businesslike tone that clearly conveys what you mean.

If you came with a thank or praise for your child: make it pleasant, sincere, and brief.

If it is a reprimand sound firm or stern but keep your voice low yet forceful.

Step 5: Have your child repeat an instruction or directive back to you. Ask- "what did I just ask you?"

Step 6: Depart with affection. Before taking your hand off your child and departing, give him a gentle squeeze, soft rub, light pat, or kiss on the head. Your child needs to know that you don't dislike him, just the unacceptable behavior. 

Learning Principle 7 has been a game changer for our home! We still have stressful mornings and children with ADHD often struggle with transition. Even more so than neruotypical kids. But the more we practice this, the less frustrated we become.

For more details on the "Reward More" section please pick up a copy of Russel A Barkleys ESSENTIAL (in my eyes) book on ADHD Parenting! 

(see above link) 

Save my social media posts on your phone's background to remind you of this principle daily!